have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
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