Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
