Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
