If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
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