If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
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I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
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This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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