he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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