Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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