Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
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It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
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Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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