After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
