there's paper in my vomit.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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