Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
