I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
