I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
