dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
