so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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