I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
