whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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