the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The power of my boobs compel you
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
