just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
