I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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