I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
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time to smoke my breakfast
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
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He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize