Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
