They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
