You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
