I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
