he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
seriously i just wanna be friends
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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