Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
