I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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