I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
