Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
