I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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