Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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