It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just saw a hot homeless man
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
