My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize