it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
