Got a toothbrush?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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