Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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