please come you make the beer taste better
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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