you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
