Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
