Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
