She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
