i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
