So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
