i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
