i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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