Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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