so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
