i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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