Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she looked like the before picture.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
