Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
