I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If I die, sorry about rent.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
