I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
my poor anus
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
